Believing the Word of God anyway…When Battling with your feelings/oppression

I always know when I’m under a spiritual attack or spiritual warefare. I always start off doing great. I’m reading my Word, and praying. Feeling like I can conquer anything because I have stayed close to God. Then off of a sudden a random spark or frustration enter my life, and lately as it seems to be able to knock me off course. I fall into a depression and I begin becoming distant.

To be real…it’s scary how you can know God’s Word and know that falling away from Him isn’t a good idea, but you still are convinced it’s no big deal anyway. Then you begin to feel symptoms of oppression from the devil during that times. It’s real guys, spiritual warfare is out there because satan does not want us to succeed in victory. I don’t mean to credit him for his evil schemes, but he has a way of oppressing some of us enough to where we get comfortable in it, and enough to where we aren’t desperate for God to deliver us. His main goal is to make us feel defeated to where we completely give up…and why? Because he knows the potential we have to work in the Kingdom of God, and he desperately needs to stop us so we cannot succeed. I’m a little off topic, but in the midst of me feeling attacked and nor having the strength to get in God’s word. I’m doing it anyway. I’m also reading a book called Girls with Swords by Lisa Bevere. And it has helped me to see why the battle between God’s children and the devil is so real and what’s really going on.

But continuing on, I have noticed especially during these times where I feel distant from God, I’ve usually slipped back into a state of oppression. And the lies (I say lies because they’re extremely convincing, but not from God) that I have believed about God are crazy. That is what also has kept me from wanting to seek Him further. But… I know what the Word says…and I know who God really is. Why am I so persuaded that His character is not what it says it is? It’s in His Word, He says He loves me so much that He sent His son Jesus Christ to die for me. So I could have everlasting life! 

That’s the part as believers that we have to conquer. Along with so many other influences, I believe the media is one that has such a pedestal and has convinced us that we are not worth what we really are. Weight is not good enough… body shape, hair, facial features, economic status, how much we possess. So we take all of those things, and actually believe what they say. You’re nothing if you don’t have …… And we believe that!

Then, when we come to God’s Word, we have a hard time believing Him because we let lies from the devil and these outside sources hold their “credibility” in our minds. We can believe all this other stuff from the Bible (if even that), but the part about God having a plan for our life in Jeremiah 29:11 can’t be true? 

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work


.

The important part I want you to see is, All Scripture is God-breathed. The Word was written through other people, but it was God inspired and He gave them the words to write. God is never silent but speaks very thorough on His thoughts toward His people.

This morning I had to push myself to start reading the Word again, after being out of it for a few months. The thought came to mind of what am I going to do when I read the Word? As I’m reading these verses, will I believe them to be true? Or see that they are true and straight from God’s word, but continue believing the lies I’ve believed (that are contrary to God’s word)?

That’s when I realized, I will actually have to believe even when my mind and emotions don’t feel like it. We are so often looking for a feeling that makes us feel like reading our Bibles, or praying. We won’t always feel motivated to do that. And when in a war against the enemy, it’s our choice to press through and stay close to God or fall away. There isn’t a gravitational force that connects us to God. This isn’t to say that God has left us during this time. But not spending time with Him will cause us to feel as though He’s left. And that’s the truth. It would be the same way if we had a relationship with anybody in our life. I spend time with a friend for a couple days during the week. We begin to skip hanging out during the week, and a month or two goes by. I don’t feel that closeness to that person as much because we’ve given up our personal time together. The relationship hasn’t felt like it’s growing.

The Word of God is clear when it talks about finding God.

Jeremiah 29:13 NIV

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I hope this post wasn’t too all over the place. I really encourage your if you are struggling with doubt about the way God sees you, or even getting back into your Bible, to do it anyway. There’s no formula that I can give yout that’ll make your doubt magically appear. There’s not a 3 step method. But when you get in God’s Word, your mind will be transformed to believing the truth. Along with prayer, you will begin to feel closer to God as you stay in consistency. Overall, the ultimate factor over believing truth over the lies is choice. I learned that this morning as I read this,

Psalm 139:15‭-‬18 NIV

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

I had no other way to make myself get this scripture that God’s thoughts are precious to me. I have to train my mind to see myself as God sees me. Train myself to believe that His word is true. Because I know it is, but because of the way I perceive myself at times, it often conflicts with whether or not I will believe what He really says. And He created me! So how can the Creator of the universe, who created me…and knows me inside and out.. be false in His thoughts towards me?

A mini project I do is writing scripture of God’s thoughts towards me on some note cards and put it on my wall or somen here that I can see it often. And do repeat it to myself often daily as part of training my mind of the Gods truth. Here’s a few encouraging ones, but there’s so much more!

Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139, Psalm 18:2, Psalm 140:7

Be blessed guys! 

A New Breed

Hey everyone! I’m writing a little unrhyming poetry on something that was on my spirit last night. I find that now adays, there’s such difference in the way I relate to people. Like, there are very few people on that relatable level. So I was inspired to write this to just be vulnerable about how I feel very different from people sometimes, but I still embrace being unique. It’s a little different than what I usually write, but I hope you enjoy it!

A New Breed

I’m a new breed of human. And that’s not to sound weird. 

Everywhere I look though, people of similar relatablility are yet to be found.

It’s like they sense my uniqueness, and are turned away, uninterested maybe.

Unique, passionate and full of soul & culture.

On fire for God, His Princess, Royalty. 

I have yet to find someone that understands, 

Even a quarter what I say. If I did, I would be good. 

I don’t question if I’m unique or hate the fact I am the way I am.

Secretly though, I wish I could find the tribe of “misfits” similar to myself.

As I said, the “uniqueness” that I refer to are not weird passions, or odd interests.

But simply a life of serving God and embracing life’s beauty, diversity and God’s creativity. 
Living as a new breed means being set apart.

The trials that come with being set apart is having to walk the road alone sometimes, most of the time.

Endurance, perserverance, and above all… strength.

A graceful woman and a soulful spirit. 

I’m passionate about things that the world sees as foreign.

I am in love with cultures that are not my own, and embrace them beautifully. 

In all honestly, I have become apart of culture myself as I daily grow through it passionately. 

What I am about, I hope to find in another one day.

But in this new breed…

With a population of 1, at least that I know,

They don’t exist… do they?

If they do, welcome to my…our world. 

God’s Word to Me: Lioness Arise

The Lord: “You are free….those simple words you said last night. They destroyed anxiety, fear and uncertainty. Doubt is dead. Bondage is no longer chained on you. I have set you free….
Now. You are a woman of faith. Remember what I revealed to you last night. Don’t go away from My Word. Hold on tighter this time. I have equipped you to make it through. The trail of this valley is almost over. Keep going strong, end strong. You have My Word, and there is nothing that should waver your faith now. I will guide you through as I have always.


 This time, nothing is going to take your faith away. You are fully capable to withstand the rest of these enemies through me. I’m fighting your battle. We are going to make it through together.  But this time, you aren’t relying on your own strength. You are weak, and you know that. My Power is the only thing thats going to get you through, and through the rest of your life. You are restored. Your faith is restored. And I am restoring what I started long ago. Something new and beautiful, beyond your wildest expectancy. Stay close Daughter, I got this…

Roar, Queen. Roar…

Photo credit to 500px.com

A Bold Prayer

A prayer…when struggling in doubt and confusion.

You are in control, Lord. All that goes on…you are a shield around me. I don’t understand….but You are good. I ask that you begin to change my heart. I don’t believe I’ve ever prayed that. I ask that you receive my boldness before your throne. If this things are what you have for my life, I ask that you’d begin to change my mindset to accept them. I thank you for allowing me to be open and willing to your plans for me. I have trust issues now, God. I haven’t been able to look at anything from a positive view. That’s what makes it so hard to trust you. I know that you are in control. I just need you to teach me how to trust you..I don’t know about life anymore, Lord. I’m kind of afraid of everything now..but I receive your peace and strength and I thank You that You are breaking my walls down. I give you full access of my heart. Begin to change me, rearrange me. Give me Your heart. And help me to receive all of your good things. Change my heart so I am no longer consumed in fear, anxiety, uncertainity. I love you Father..thank you for constantly teaching me how to love you. I know You’re God, but I can’t believe you’ve stuck with me this far…
I pray this in Jesus Name, amen.

Lonely Road

I absolutely love this song. For the portion I grew closer in my walk with God 5 years ago, I walked alone. Just a high school girl, who was actually anointed to be a woman of God. Fast forward those 5 years later, I’m in a greater dwelling place of the Lord. It feels even lonelier now. Just me and God. But what I’m learning during this season of being alone with God is that He is all I need. I feel like we hear people talk about contentment in Christ like it is so easy; they even put it in worship songs like it’s so simple to just surrender everything to God. Fact of the matter, it hurts when you have no one to turn to but God… But maturity is found when you continue to press in. God actually had to draw me closer to Him through isolation. Nobody around to be distracting. Even though feelings of confusion continue to lie within, I will lie on my face before my Father and cry out. Those lonely nights when I want someone to talk to, I don’t even take it to the “friends” that are left, it goes straight to the Father.

I love you, Jesus…thank you for being faithful. The only one that has kept me this whole time. For you have never abandoned.

 

The Missing Rib 💋

​11-27-16 Sunday 1:40 am
A woman or rarity and wholeness. 

Pure and hidden in the hands of God.

Untouched…
I was the missing rib that was removed from his side.

He was put in a deep sleep, being prepared by God.

Just for me.

Those words were once unfathomable.

They remained a dream that hoped for the accompaniment of a vision.
I am the missing rib that is waiting in preparation.

No other part of the rib cage can compare. 

I been anointed to love him, even in the times he can’t see himself as worthy.

What he doesn’t see, is the strength he has.

As a King…
Adam, I can’t complete you. But I definitely will push out your potential.

You don’t see the greater you, and mainly because God is showing you.

He will ultimately get the glory, but He will most definitely show you the creation that you were predestined to be.
As a rib, that’s why part of why I’m waiting.

When he is ready, he will believe on himself again.

His vision and purpose will be complimented by me.

Though I thought I was ready, I became reminded of who chose me in the first place. 

I lost sight of Him, and now I crave to be closer.

Stronger. Bonded with Him.

If I ever lost sight of that, My First Love, I am so sorry.

I’m sorry if you felt neglected and pushed to the side. 

Because of my unawareness.
I’m returning to you My First Love. 

Love me first, and show me who I am.

First as a woman of God.

In Your timing, present me as the missing rib to the sleeping Adam that is in a deep sleep.

I will be waiting, ready as your helpmate.

But I need to be assured that you will do your job in pursuing and protecting me.

I am hidden in God, and I can’t be exposed to anything outside of that.

My prayer is though, that he is more concerned of the things of you, than the desire he is to be loved by his missing rib.

Me.

Sleep well, Adam. My prayer is that your mind is filled with sweet and perfect dreams.

God’s Word to me: Silence through the Struggle

 

“You may not understand what’s happening in your life right now. But I’ve got you right where I want you. I need you to become so content in Me, that I’m enough for you. I’m not silent because I don’t love you. Right now, your trust in Me is tested by how willing you are to hold onto my Word. Will you praise me even when you question my where abouts? Will you push forward and allow me to do the work for you.

I will guide you through this. I will strip you of feelings of inadequacy and confusion. Stay close to Me, my Daughter. Keep your eyes lifted upon Me, as you live in continual surrender each day. Fear not, for I am with you. My Presence is always available to you. You just have to draw towards it. I am waiting in our secret place, where I wait daily to spend time with you.”