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Be A Blessing πŸ’–

Hey everyone! Wow, do I have so much to share with y’all! I’ve been so busy breaking my procrastination and trying to fulfill all of my summer goals before school starts back up. πŸ˜‚ I’ve been seeking God more so lately. Trying to be bold and break through the fear of the unknown. I want His best for my life. But in the midst of being comfortable, sometimes fear sets in and you definitely do not feel like moving where He’s calling. 

Anyways, I’ve been accoomplishing goals and getting in the word more. That’s a plus! But today one little action had set me whole day to an amazing start! I had just dropped my sister off at her friends house, and I had been trying to activate my rewards card to my favorite chicken place, Raising Canes. I couldn’t find the free stuff I thought I had on my reward card. So I decided I’d go to Starbucks since it was right next store. I pulled in the drive through and waited in line, listening to my music. And as soon as I got up to the window, the bartista said “The lady in front of you just paid for your drink. She said to have a great day!” I took my drink and looked up ahead, but the lady who paided for me was gone. I was literally shocked you guys. I always wondered (in fact thought about it earlier this week) what it had felt like to have someone pay for something for me. My mom told me it was kinda like God was smiling down on me. I even felt like rewarded by God.

It’s the little things that can brighten up someone’s day. It’s been a rough year for me, no joke. But to have someone show kindness in an unexpected way, it made me feel like there was actual people put there with a loving heart. I’ve felt the opposite lately, so what that lady did really made me feel special. I even wanted to go back and do the same for someone else today. It’s just the little things that can totally flip around someone’s frown and make them feel special! I encourage everyone out there, as well as myself, to not forgot about being a blessing. Smile, give a compliment, write an encouraging note, ask how they are doing or even offer to pay for something for them! 

My day was totally made!

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Embracing Me series: My Journey of Loving myself

Hey Everyone! I think we all can agree that we have a hard time loving ourselves. It took a while for me to post this particular blog post. The evening that I wrote this, I had received some awesome encouragement from my Pastor on how it’s okay to be unique and the peculiar things about ourselves God can use. Well… he told me that God would use the peculiar things about myself to bring others to get to know the Lord. As I am still asking God what these peculiar things are, I decided to spill my heart out and mark today as the journey of embracing who I am. This year has been tough, and the insecurities and depression I have been overcoming has been crazy. But I’ve decided there’s no more time to waste! If I want to move forward, I need to start being me and not caring if I’m “different”. I’ll write more on this Embracing Me series, so please stay tuned.

      

        The peculiar things. I have always thought of myself as a very set apart, but spiritual misfit. I usually have people always trying to figure me out, but what you should know is that you won’t. I can be complex in several positive ways. Don’t try and figure me out, you won’t be able to. I love being mysterious, I love being a woman of uniqueness.

The peculiar things. Okay, if you’re reading this blog, brace yourself. Because I just want to lay out my heart on what makes me unique. I’m not nerdy, but I’m quirky. I have various different perspectives and unique interests that might not make sense to people. I am this, but not that. That, but not this. As a step into transparency and an act of faith in boldness. I have never done this before, hopefully it will explain somethings, but not all. So here goes my heart:

“I have an extremely soft heart. I don’t mean that I let people in without using caution/discernment. But I am just a princess. I am feel like a baby to God, a daughter that is spoiled by her Heavenly Father. Days as I go walking through my life, I feel like a Beauty Queen, but to be more specific a princess. I walk as if I have a crown on my head and a Cinderella dress on. I know I’m royalty. I talk to my Daddy above as I would if I was were His most favored daughter in the world; no pride here, I just have that type of relationship with my Heavenly Lord.

I have a strong ability to see the beauty in people. I guess you could say I’m passionate about people, but at times I am anti-social (slowly getting over that). I view youth as kings and queens, that are favored in the eyes of the Heavenly King. Going back to beauty, this is one of my biggest passions. Most people, especially people of this race, might question and not truly understand….I believe that the African-American race is one of the strongest races out there, in my opinion. When it comes to women, they are clothed in strength and dignity. Absolutely stunning women; carrying boldness, flavor, rhythm, strength and passion. Beautiful natural hair that should be embraced. I wish my hair contained similar texture. It is just to gorgeous not to stare; it probably gets annoying when people always want to touch it. I just wanted to say, black is beautiful. My opinion might not mean much to some, but hopefully others would begin to see that the perspective of the world isn’t always black and white. Some of us truly admire melanin, culture and roots. 

And black men, they are something on a whole other level. I dream of marrying a black man; why? I don’t know, the desire didn’t strike me until I hit high school. Then again, I started to understand why I had this desire, it relates to a whole other purpose…Anyway, God wanted already confirmed that would be his identity. But to go on, I see black men as the strongest of men. They carry such strength that flows through their blood. Lyrical and athletic ability. Rhythm and dance. The African-American culture isn’t solely based on these things. This is just what I admire the most; it’s what makes me passionate about having a black husband, black children. The beauty lies within the skin, it’s not the sole identity, but it’s part of it. I find beauty in every skin tone, every pigment, all light and darkness.

Another thing in relation to this is I want such a multicultural family. Black children, Hispanic children, Indian children, Chinese and Filipino children, African children, inner city children, abandoned children, children outside these borders and even a few white children (cause I know the man I marry will have this desire too, and God knows he’s gonna want some white babies, lol). Adoption and youth spark a passion in me; I want such a unique and mixed family because I believe in the beauty of culture. I don’t really know culture, I feel that sometimes being white has caused us to lack knowledge of culture and even the understanding that we do have a culture of our own. Since I don’t have much culture of my own, I desire to embrace the cultures those of my husband and children.
I am a huge hip hop fan. I am really passionate about rap music. Call me crazy for being white with red hair, as a hip hop head. But I believe hip hop will be a tool I can use to reach in the future.

This is a big one…I am so passionate about youth. Particularly inner city youth. I relate to brokenness, rejection and pain. Though I have experienced healing through it all, I have been given a marvelous testimony to help THOUSANDS break free from strongholds.

I secretly love mermaids, and the beach. Real talk. I feel like I’m a mermaid just like area. I love starfish, seashells, and the way the beach smells. I enjoy roaming it. I always have God on my mind.

I am passionate about writing. I can have such writer’s block, but watch the moment that God grants me with a spark of an idea, I can write pages within ten plus minutes. The fire that begins to up rise in me is incredible. My writings can be very prophetic. There are things that I wrote years ago with the motive behind just writing for the idea. During last year especially, I began to find out just what my writings meant. They were not merely for ideas, but God expressing His hidden mysteries regarding my life. I connect deeply with God and my future husband through my writings to them both. It’s just incredible.

I was formed by a Creative God. And therefore, I am filled with creative abilities. I might not understand in full the abilities I have, but God is surely speaking to me through them.

I am a warrior. This season of my life has taught me so much.  Out of it all, I’ve learned I’m a warrior highness.

Last to know about me, for now…I am healed. I am set free. I am a new creation. And in this new season, I am a woman of faith, and the grass won’t be able to grow under my feet as I walk in faith. I am made whole. I am a warrior, but at peace. I am STRONG and capable of great things. I am purely rare, set apart. Beautiful and precious, but most definitely unique and different. I walk in supernatural excellence, highly anointed. I am a…jewel, in my Father’s crown. He’s where I derive my purpose and identity from. Queen Status.”

That’s all I can think of for now. But those are the most sacred pieces of my heart. God has been the keeper of all these secrets, but He’s pushing me to unleash them so potential and purpose can be unlocked. It’s time now. These quirks, dreams and confessions are prophetic. Some are even in the making.

What are some unique things about yourself? Share some in the comments!

Dear Baby Boy- A Father’s Day Letter to my future son

Dear Baby Boy,
Of all the struggles, I pray you never have to struggle with this one. It is my sincere prayer that you are loved and cared all the days of your life by future daddy and I. I was reminded today on June 18, 2017 of the importance of fatherhood. I’m not sure how young you’ll be when you read this. I definitely want you to understand of the importance of the role of two father figures in your life. The first is your earthly father. I’m only 21 and I haven’t exactly meant your father yet, as I’m writing this, but I’ve been praying for your earthly daddy since the time I was 14. Praying that he’ll be everything that you need and want. And though he won’t be able to fill the voids and the cracks in your heart, I know he will be the emotional support you’ll need everyday. I can tell you one thing about him I have full faith in…he will be a man that chases after the savior’s heart. You’ll never have to question if he loves you because His Heavenly Father above has taught him how to love you and your siblings as God loved his son Jesus. He will teach you how to be a man one day, because that’s not something I am capable of. I will be here for you always, but the place of your father is one that I simply cannot fill. Your dad will talk a lot, and drive you crazy at times. For all you know, this is a prophecy of something that is already existing. He might even be getting on your nerves when he pushes you to try new things. But this is a good thing, future son. My father did that with me, and we will do that for you. You’ll realize soon enough that through the things your daddy pushes you towards, you’ll discover culture & creativity & passion. I want you to remember that also through your Heavenly Father, you’ll discover your worth as a King. He is your ultimate Father and you should always put Him first before anyone else. Because when you’re dad and I aren’t there with you at times, He will never leave. There’s so many promises to assure you of that…

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

I love you future son. And I can’t wait 4 the day you are born and also the day that you become a father and can do the same thing for your children.  You’ll never have to wonder because you have a support system built up around you, and you haven’t even been born yet.

See you soon, king.
Photo credit to Pinterest

The Absent Father

I had this crazy revelation today as I was sitting in church. Yesterday was Father’s day as everyone knows. And my pastor had asked a few of the men church leaders to get in front of the congregation and share about their experiences with being a Christian father. Very good stories had been shared as a few men talked about how their father wasn’t in their lives much, but eventually discovered God was their Father and He was able to show them what it meant to be a Godly father. They came to actuality that their kids watch their every move and how they needed to become better examples to some of their children. My father had also spoke about his experience being raised up in a Christian home, serving in the church and having his dad show him how to work hard. He began to get very emotional as he explained how his goal was to raise his girls (my sister and I) in a Godly home, teach us how to work and also to serve the Lord. It was a very beautiful Father’s day service that surpassed greater meaning than any sermon that could have happened on Father’s Day.

I began pondering upon my earliest thoughts from this week and also thoughts during church service yesterday. I recently had my family come to visit me this week and I had a lot on my mind about growing deeper relationships with everyone. As well as what it really means to have a father in my life because a relative of mine had recently lost his father 3 years ago this year.

My heart filled with sadness and also surprise as God brought an interesting thought to mind. This is what I felt as I thought about the absence of several father’s in our “family tree”: “Pretty much all of the family on my mom’s side of the family has lost their fathers and daddies to some cause of death; whether it’d be physical sickness, alcoholism, or being shot. My next thought shifted to my dad’s side of the father. I wondered what fathers were missing on my dad’s family but I couldn’t think of any. That’s when God gave me a second revelation on how there aren’t any fathers missing on my dad’s side, so what was it then? (My grandfather, all uncles and my father were all still alive). What I did get from that revelation, though, was that many of the men on my dad’s side were not physically absent but mentally and more even emotionally absent in their kids lives. Sure, they worked and provided for their families. They raised kids to become successful, but they had not been their emotionally to give their children real fatherhood that they needed. This is not a blog post to discredit any of the men in my family. But the truth of the matter is after sitting in church yesterday and hearing about the physical absence of fathers’ in so many lives of young struggling boys…mental and emotional absence also has an affect on a child. I am in no place to say which one is greater or smaller impact on a child because I believe everyone is wired very differently in the way that they are affected emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Point blank, psychologically we cannot limit a person’s dealing to this or that. I am just heart broken though. Because I have seen the upbringing of several different relatives in my family. I see the way deaths have hurt my mom’s side of the family as well as I’ve also seen how lack of needs being met in the lives of babies to grown children on my dad’s side.

Photo credit to themattwalshblog.com

I left church very grateful yesterday. As I’ve expressed many times, I was heart broken because what affects my family most definitely affects me. But I grew thankful in a way I never have before; to understand that my dad is still in my life. Though he is not perfect and is growing in ways to become a better father and meet the needs of his family, I have seen growth in him. That’s something a few of my family members will never be able to see from their deceased fathers or from their fathers who don’t care enough to emotionally be there to support their children. I wrote this to say…God is good! First off, He has been the Father I’ve always needed. I always try to acknowledge him each year for how great He has been to me. I am an extremely imperfect daughter that tries to abound in His presence regularly. What my earthly father cannot even give me, thank the Lord that God above has been able to supply and satisfy every need/desire and fill every void in my heart. Also, I have grown to a deeper appreciation of my earthly father because I am aware of the impact of not having a father can cause a person. There have been times when I suffered from the lack of emotional support from my own father. But I praise God because I see him seeking God daily in order to grow as a Godly husband, father, leader and provider. I am grateful to God because I don’t think he would be growing so much in faith and fatherhood if God hadn’t stepped in and showed him how to take the lead. It’s been a test of faith and much prayers, and there’s still growth. Don’t give up on your fathers, y’all. One day you’ll be surprised what your prayers can actually do. My prayers happened in the spread through a few years, but God is faithful.

Please check out my blog below. I wrote this shortly after this one because I was inspired to write a letter to my future husband and future husband as it pertains to fatherhood.

Believing the Word of God anyway…When Battling with your feelings/oppression

I always know when I’m under a spiritual attack or spiritual warefare. I always start off doing great. I’m reading my Word, and praying. Feeling like I can conquer anything because I have stayed close to God. Then off of a sudden a random spark or frustration enter my life, and lately as it seems to be able to knock me off course. I fall into a depression and I begin becoming distant.

To be real…it’s scary how you can know God’s Word and know that falling away from Him isn’t a good idea, but you still are convinced it’s no big deal anyway. Then you begin to feel symptoms of oppression from the devil during that times. It’s real guys, spiritual warfare is out there because satan does not want us to succeed in victory. I don’t mean to credit him for his evil schemes, but he has a way of oppressing some of us enough to where we get comfortable in it, and enough to where we aren’t desperate for God to deliver us. His main goal is to make us feel defeated to where we completely give up…and why? Because he knows the potential we have to work in the Kingdom of God, and he desperately needs to stop us so we cannot succeed. I’m a little off topic, but in the midst of me feeling attacked and nor having the strength to get in God’s word. I’m doing it anyway. I’m also reading a book called Girls with Swords by Lisa Bevere. And it has helped me to see why the battle between God’s children and the devil is so real and what’s really going on.

But continuing on, I have noticed especially during these times where I feel distant from God, I’ve usually slipped back into a state of oppression. And the lies (I say lies because they’re extremely convincing, but not from God) that I have believed about God are crazy. That is what also has kept me from wanting to seek Him further. But… I know what the Word says…and I know who God really is. Why am I so persuaded that His character is not what it says it is? It’s in His Word, He says He loves me so much that He sent His son Jesus Christ to die for me. So I could have everlasting life! 

That’s the part as believers that we have to conquer. Along with so many other influences, I believe the media is one that has such a pedestal and has convinced us that we are not worth what we really are. Weight is not good enough… body shape, hair, facial features, economic status, how much we possess. So we take all of those things, and actually believe what they say. You’re nothing if you don’t have …… And we believe that!

Then, when we come to God’s Word, we have a hard time believing Him because we let lies from the devil and these outside sources hold their “credibility” in our minds. We can believe all this other stuff from the Bible (if even that), but the part about God having a plan for our life in Jeremiah 29:11 can’t be true? 

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work


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The important part I want you to see is, All Scripture is God-breathed. The Word was written through other people, but it was God inspired and He gave them the words to write. God is never silent but speaks very thorough on His thoughts toward His people.

This morning I had to push myself to start reading the Word again, after being out of it for a few months. The thought came to mind of what am I going to do when I read the Word? As I’m reading these verses, will I believe them to be true? Or see that they are true and straight from God’s word, but continue believing the lies I’ve believed (that are contrary to God’s word)?

That’s when I realized, I will actually have to believe even when my mind and emotions don’t feel like it. We are so often looking for a feeling that makes us feel like reading our Bibles, or praying. We won’t always feel motivated to do that. And when in a war against the enemy, it’s our choice to press through and stay close to God or fall away. There isn’t a gravitational force that connects us to God. This isn’t to say that God has left us during this time. But not spending time with Him will cause us to feel as though He’s left. And that’s the truth. It would be the same way if we had a relationship with anybody in our life. I spend time with a friend for a couple days during the week. We begin to skip hanging out during the week, and a month or two goes by. I don’t feel that closeness to that person as much because we’ve given up our personal time together. The relationship hasn’t felt like it’s growing.

The Word of God is clear when it talks about finding God.

Jeremiah 29:13 NIV

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I hope this post wasn’t too all over the place. I really encourage your if you are struggling with doubt about the way God sees you, or even getting back into your Bible, to do it anyway. There’s no formula that I can give yout that’ll make your doubt magically appear. There’s not a 3 step method. But when you get in God’s Word, your mind will be transformed to believing the truth. Along with prayer, you will begin to feel closer to God as you stay in consistency. Overall, the ultimate factor over believing truth over the lies is choice. I learned that this morning as I read this,

Psalm 139:15‭-‬18 NIV

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sandβ€” when I awake, I am still with you.

I had no other way to make myself get this scripture that God’s thoughts are precious to me. I have to train my mind to see myself as God sees me. Train myself to believe that His word is true. Because I know it is, but because of the way I perceive myself at times, it often conflicts with whether or not I will believe what He really says. And He created me! So how can the Creator of the universe, who created me…and knows me inside and out.. be false in His thoughts towards me?

A mini project I do is writing scripture of God’s thoughts towards me on some note cards and put it on my wall or somen here that I can see it often. And do repeat it to myself often daily as part of training my mind of the Gods truth. Here’s a few encouraging ones, but there’s so much more!

Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139, Psalm 18:2, Psalm 140:7

Be blessed guys! 

A New Breed

Hey everyone! I’m writing a little unrhyming poetry on something that was on my spirit last night. I find that now adays, there’s such difference in the way I relate to people. Like, there are very few people on that relatable level. So I was inspired to write this to just be vulnerable about how I feel very different from people sometimes, but I still embrace being unique. It’s a little different than what I usually write, but I hope you enjoy it!

A New Breed

I’m a new breed of human. And that’s not to sound weird. 

Everywhere I look though, people of similar relatablility are yet to be found.

It’s like they sense my uniqueness, and are turned away, uninterested maybe.

Unique, passionate and full of soul & culture.

On fire for God, His Princess, Royalty. 

I have yet to find someone that understands, 

Even a quarter what I say. If I did, I would be good. 

I don’t question if I’m unique or hate the fact I am the way I am.

Secretly though, I wish I could find the tribe of “misfits” similar to myself.

As I said, the “uniqueness” that I refer to are not weird passions, or odd interests.

But simply a life of serving God and embracing life’s beauty, diversity and God’s creativity. 
Living as a new breed means being set apart.

The trials that come with being set apart is having to walk the road alone sometimes, most of the time.

Endurance, perserverance, and above all… strength.

A graceful woman and a soulful spirit. 

I’m passionate about things that the world sees as foreign.

I am in love with cultures that are not my own, and embrace them beautifully. 

In all honestly, I have become apart of culture myself as I daily grow through it passionately. 

What I am about, I hope to find in another one day.

But in this new breed…

With a population of 1, at least that I know,

They don’t exist… do they?

If they do, welcome to my…our world. 

God’s Word to Me: Lioness Arise

The Lord: “You are free….those simple words you said last night. They destroyed anxiety, fear and uncertainty. Doubt is dead. Bondage is no longer chained on you. I have set you free….
Now. You are a woman of faith. Remember what I revealed to you last night. Don’t go away from My Word. Hold on tighter this time. I have equipped you to make it through. The trail of this valley is almost over. Keep going strong, end strong. You have My Word, and there is nothing that should waver your faith now. I will guide you through as I have always.


 This time, nothing is going to take your faith away. You are fully capable to withstand the rest of these enemies through me. I’m fighting your battle. We are going to make it through together.  But this time, you aren’t relying on your own strength. You are weak, and you know that. My Power is the only thing thats going to get you through, and through the rest of your life. You are restored. Your faith is restored. And I am restoring what I started long ago. Something new and beautiful, beyond your wildest expectancy. Stay close Daughter, I got this…

Roar, Queen. Roar…

Photo credit to 500px.com