God’s Word to Me: The Beauty in Surrender

“My Precious Daughter. You have not know me like you have before. You’ve viewed me as a Master, but not your Father. I don’t take away anything that is good for you. I bless you with good things. Right now, your situation is out of your control. In order for Me to do my work, you need to take your hands off. I have to have your sole trust and faith in Me, alone.”

I began surrendering to my Father. No more anxiety, no more fear. Just praise, just worship. All dependence on Him. I trust You, Lord. You will be forever praised.

“My Daughter, you’re beginning to see me for who I am. I love you, beyond words could amount. This storm was meant for you to grow closer to Me. Day after day, I’m breaking you, molding you. You are becoming beautifully broken. Do not shy away from discomfort because you’re afraid. I am with you through it all. As you draw closer to Me, chains are being broken. At the end of this storm, you won’t be afraid any longer. Timidness and anxiety must leave. I’m rising you up, as a Warrior. There’s a new fight in you that’s never been there before.  

Surrender all of your worries to Me. Am I not God? I spoke the universe into existence with my words. I created life from dust. How can your problems be anymore complex? I am God…who is ABLE to do exceedingly and abundantly great, BIG things. Don’t limit me. Surely it will all be confirmed to you. Signs, wonders, deliverance. If you will make it a priority to seek me daily, I will begin to display my power to you. You will see your circumstances through spiritual eyes. Walking by faith, not based upon your sight and what things look like. Look through supernatural eyes. Claim what I already said I gave you. You are my Daughter, and I love you so dearly. Trust in Me, I won’t fail you. I’m not like people who have hurt you, I am God, so disregard the expectations that you seek from people, because only I can fulfill what you crave for.”

I surrender daily, and fear and anxiety have begun leaving me. I have chosen not to hold onto my struggles, for I have no control. But my God does. He already has taken care of me. I feel stronger everyday, it’s becoming easier to trust the plans He has for my life. I worry less, I fear no more. I hold tight to the promise He has given to me. I will walk through this storm untouched.

“Surrender daily. Seek My face. I will not disappoint you…Wait and see. For I have things you have never imagined you’d have.”

Black Kings: Reclaim Your Throne 

Photo credit to the artist who created it..
From the soul in your heart,

To the beauty of your skin,

You are a piece of art.

Every shape and facial feature,

Every curve, every line.

Everything about you, is stunning.

Yet society fails to recognize that,

even you do…at times. 

With the eyes God gave me,  I only see black kings.

Men that have incredible strength that I have yet to see in any other race. 

Your voice is beautiful…

Deep, slurrish, country…call it what you want. It reminds me of the sound of music. 

Your hair is breath-taking.

Whether you wear it natural, braided or dreaded up. 

Your culture is one I’m fascinated by,

Because of strong men and men who never failed when it came to strength.

Embrace it…your beauty is not what defines you as king. But you need to realize your overall value.

These are just a few things that enhance your Kingly status.

Stereotypes shall not limit you…

For you are more.

Regardless of your background, upbringing, family, home life, or parents,

You are a King. 

Reclaim your throne, because your life can only be in control by you.

You weren’t meant to live as average.

You weren’t meant to live as less than.

A King is valued everywhere he goes, but first he must realize his identity before anyone else does.

When they try and devalue you, you shrug it right off. You already know who you are…

Rise up, King. Reclaim your throne.

Adjust that crown to sit upright on your head.

You are valued…
-Love your sister Queen who is rooting for you.

Purely Rare & Set Apart

I reminisce on my high school days. I was a set apart woman, well teenager for God. But in the days I spent sitting on a brick planter reading my bible during lunch, I became a stronger Christian. I felt like I was being equipped for greater. All of my “peers” around me talking about what happened last night, falling all over each other seeing how far they can go with each other in the court yards. It was hard not to crave intimacy when you’re constantly walking past the middle of the action. I had to refocus a lot. What did I desire?
Temporary pleasure, or lasting intimacy that only God could provide.

I grew closer to God during my high school years. I found my worth and value. I began understanding what purpose a woman of God had. I wasn’t solely a Christian, I was a Daughter of the Most High. It was those lonely nights of isolation that actually gravitated me closer to God. He always showed me His hidden mysterious and built me up in His sweet promises. My Father chose me to love… that’s breathtaking. I am so amazed. I so desire to be in those years again because they were truly beautiful. I love the fact that God spared me, protected me and hid me. I wouldn’t be as beautifully broken and built up in my faith, if it hadn’t been for those 4 years of preparation.

I am a jewel. I never viewed myself above what I should, but the scripture made it plan and clear how precious I am to my Father. But goodness, how can I be wrong for claiming and representing it? I longed to be valued by that. I believed I was strong enough to make it on my own, but being protected was one of the numerous ways I received love. And God knew that. I didn’t have a boyfriend or friends for that matter. I had to do things on my own a lot, and that’s mostly why I ate lunch alone. I thought it was because of something; at first it didn’t make sense that I was this beautiful person, yet people wanted nothing to do with me. And then my Father whispered His sweet thoughts to me. “I have set you apart, beautiful.”

In my mind I thought that only meant God viewed me a lot differently than others. Not that I was shown favoritism, but I understood that I did have great favor from my Father because I chose to walk in His ways. All true… but, the part of the set apart anointing was being put to the side for God. He wanted me to be hidden especially for Him. And again that went back to me being protected because God KNEW He had so much more for my life than what the high school experience had to offer. God chose to prepare me during those crucial years of influence to prepare me for what I am now. A strong woman of faith who is a prayer warrior with a set apart anointing.

Oh my Heavenly Father, I want to experience years like those again. I want revival again, I desire those dreams I always use to have. Sometimes twenty times a day. I am a dreamer, but I need your vision. God, to be honest, I want to experience you all over again. The fire has dimmed, but I ask that You’d ignite it and make it flame. I want to go on this journey with You and experience You like never before. Especially during the valleys. We grow so close when we go through the times of just You and I. You and I. You and I. Those words are so special to me. I may not be young like I used to, and I’ll never get those years back. I am grateful for what You showed me when I was younger. And I believe what I’m asking is that You would recreate that relationship again; where I wouldn’t miss you opportunities with you. I want to spend that time with You again. Remember Jesus, when we would have our date nights. People thought it sounded crazy. But during our time, You would pursue me. And I would praise You for how wonderful You were. I want that again, and as I go throughout this new season of my life, I pray you show up and show out like never before. Thank You for this new anointing, new identity in You, new passion, new dreams, new trials, new tests of faith, new creation, new things and a fulfilled testinmony.

I am purely rare, created by You O’ God.

Dear Rome…

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October 27, 2015

Dear Rome,

Your heart reflects pain and tribulations. You feel as if others can’t see your worth and understand your dealings. You feel weak inside, but express strength on the outside. You don’t realize that you are strength; that a vision of you is like a rock that can be thrown every which way but does not crumble. You are strong. A vision of your strength keeps recurring  of your back as a symbol. You are constantly enduring the weight of your world on your shoulders, but you are a warrior who fights it off. Rome, You are strong! You are so capable of endurance even though you don’t think you are. You got this, love.

Love Jewel

*This poem was fully inspired by the movie Rome & Jewel. A modern day version of Romeo and Juliet. I was inspired to write this about my future husband two years ago. Ironic enough, I was searching through my notebook and it was amazing how spot on, but really prophetic this “letter” was. One thing you will notice about my writing is that when  I write, it is solely based on something that is has already or is about to take place. My poetry has prophetic meaning behind them. God puts the idea in my heart, and I pray as He leads me to writing it. I was simply inspired after I watched the movie and simply enough, God started showing me what my future husband was going through at the moment in 2015. Be encouraged! I hope you’re enjoying my writings. Follow/subscribe, like, comment and connect with me! ❤

Faking Fine: Crumbling Walls

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Dear Friend…

Aren’t you tired? I know I am…I’m tired of pretending everything is alright.

Stay tuned because after this, I know I can help you stop pretending. I’m going to break it down, and tell you how up until now, I’ve been faking fine:

“All the how are you’s?, followed by I’m good… All of those responses were simply reassurances that they wouldn’t have to ask much further. I could sense it was the time they didn’t have; casual talk just to make sure the acquaintanceship was maintained. That’s what is real. And really how I’ve felt, not good at all, because this buildup has created me to have breakdowns. Mixtures of feeling overlooked, being taken advantage of, not being heard. I hear everyone else opening up, crying out ‘I’m hurting’ and somehow help is on the way for them. Where is my rescuer? Who has ever tried to be there for me and understand? I’ve shown my heart to others but yet they couldn’t take the time to just sit down and LISTEN… Listen…not hearing. Hearing is pretty much tied to asking me how I am, it’s when they don’t have the time. Sit down and really dig deep. Everyone seems to think I’m so closed up, but I’m really not. I just require a little extra assurance that I know you’re going to try to understand. I haven’t been good for a while, but I put on a smile in hopes to hide it from those who simply couldn’t do anything with it. Yes I’m good, go on your way, because you won’t be willing to offer what I need. I’m not okay, but apparently the tears that I’ve cried, you have seen. I don’t understand why you overlooked. But that goes to prove my point…you couldn’t offer what I needed. Just a little extra effort. A little extra work. Honestly, it’s all assurance. Keep pushing, because that’s all I want to do is open up. It’s a test though, to see how in tune you will stay, then I can determine if I can trust you. Will you, though? That’s all I can say.”

It’s taken me over 5 years to finally open up about how I’ve felt. Transparency… that is a hard word to swallow. I’ve only know a few people that have been able to express themselves openly about what they’re going through. Some spoke, some wrote it out. Well, to me, both of those were impossible because I felt like I had walls guarding my mouth from speaking. Was it fear? Most certainly, if it wasn’t, I would have been able to speak about this a whole lot sooner. I have been wanting to write out my heart for a few months now, but it was broken for a time. Even writing in a journal made me feel like I would have the memory of the pain all over paper. It doesn’t make sense to most people. Though for me faking fine has been a stronghold. It wasn’t until I started reading a book that began to open my eyes about what I was going through. I will list it at the end of this post.

I’ve been fighting transparency for years. And kind of how I wrote above, it’s been because of people. I haven’t been too sure if people would care to know if I was certainly hurting. I mean, I cried in church at the altar and I saw everyone around me being embraced…but me. I would tell others I wasn’t doing okay and they seemed to think that was a cue not to respond. It was frustrating for years because I grew so angry. The end conclusion: no one cares. I am not going to try and open up when all they do is never offer support. That became the cause of a rejected spirit and the walls stayed up for quite some time. I couldn’t process trust anymore, and deep down I wanted to.

But, I feel all that is changing now because I’m learning how to be more transparent now. I experienced anxiety for a while there but I’m so finished with it. I don’t want to suffer from that anymore. The only way I’ve learned to get help from it is guidance and lament with God. Transparency is NOT a bad things.

I recently started reading this book called No More Faking Fine by Esther Fleece, so obviously that’s what inspired the title. Esther sheds so much light on her experiences of feeling rejected when she was younger and how she built up walls that eventually led her further and further from God. As I was reading she mentioned a word lament that happens to be a prayer. Esther explained that lament is “a prayer woven throughout Scripture, but more than a prayer, it is the unexpected pathway to true intimacy with God.” All of that to say, we can have real talk with God through lament. After reading that, I went to my room in a little bit of fear. This book is telling me it’s okay to be open with God, but how far can I go? I always thought questioning God with “Why me?” and other of sort wasn’t okay. I thought God would be mad if I was to question His sovereignty and His plans. How wrong was I….as I sat there, I began to just pray. With a week that consisted of having a few breakdowns, I just cried. I told God how I didn’t understand why I was abandoned. I didn’t understand why I was left, why it feels like no one wants to check in with me when I’m going through things. Every possible thing that came to mind I just released. I still felt resistance as I began opening myself up to vulnerability.

All of these walls I had built up, I said I wouldn’t trust anyone because people weren’t trustworthy. At times, I wished there was an exact cloned version of me that could be my best friend and the one I could trust. Another version of me I know wouldn’t disappoint me. Anyways, as I resisted praying/lamenting anymore of my feelings, I felt as if God wanted me to step out just a little more in boldness; simply by crying, expressing my thoughts even more in detail, saying exacting how I felt instead of tip toeing around the issue. The release was…amazing. No condemnation, God didn’t strike me with lightning because I told him EXACTLY how I felt. He embraced me, grieved with me, but above all comforted me.

So again, I want to ask, are you tired? Are you full of fear and doubt? Have you carried a rejected spirit around with you? God sees that in you, precious child of God. He understands your pain. Rest in that, if you cannot rest in anything else.

Scripture says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23). We are to guard our hearts from allowing certain things in. But the Bible is not telling us to be guarded up against the world. It’s telling us to keep our heart guarded from evil and ungodly things.

Rejection is not lurking around every corner…and as hard as it is to believe, people are not always out to get us. It took me a long while to grasp that concept. But the more I pulled back from people, the harder it is to open up because you are so drowned with fear. The moment I became honest with God, first off, I was able to be honest with others. I told them how I was really doing. I stopped hiding the pain, and opened up to allow God to come in. He proved to be trustworthy. I knew He wasn’t going to be the one to hurt me as people have. And that’s the last point I want to make. The more you begin putting up walls, the further you are going to distance yourself up from God and other people; don’t mind other people so much. Because if God is the way you are so far away from, there’s a problem. You won’t be able to have that comfort in your life. I encourage you to begin reading Psalms and Proverbs and just allow God’s love to surround you. Get you a journal, create a blog or even get a voice recorder where you can be completely honest about what you are going through. Get it out of your heart somehow. Find your transparency. Focus on pouring out in prayer, don’t worry about praying perfection. Lament, cry, scream, whatever you need to do; but be open with God, because after you do you’ll experience such a release. Finally, you’ll feel like you don’t have to have it all together. We have an all perfect God, so we don’t have to play that role that is already His. Just come to Him….And don’t let the lies creep in that you cannot say what you feel, because God is craving your broken spirit. Jesus is a gentleman, He will be gentle with it, if you give Him your permission to have it.

I wanna post a prayer for anyone that is afraid to completely surrender and let their guard down. If you are hurting, feeling rejected, blocking everyone out of your life or simply cannot trust anyone, I encourage you to say this prayer aloud and be willing to let God crumble the walls within you, for His hands to access your broken heart.

Dear Lord, I am so broken right now. I don’t want to trust anyone, I am hurting. Come into my life today Lord with your special touch. Keep me a peace that surpasses all understanding. Touch my spirit in a way that I begin to feel the walls crumble down. Crumble every wall of hatred, hurt, rejection, anxiety and heal every callous that aches my soul. Surround me with your love. Teach me how to love you. Take my guard down Father because I truly want to be free. Teach me how to be open with you in ways I never imagined I could. Speak to my spirit about Your gentleness and unconditional love. Free me, Lord. In Jesus Name, amen.

More about lament…

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/evangelicalpulpit/2017/01/5-things-need-know-lament/

The Isolated Gem Pt.2

June 21, 2016
Similar to the gem in the hands of the miner…

She is a Queen; a precious Jewel, but not an ordinary one. A rare jewel that hasn’t been seen before that sparkles of every type of color in her Father’s crown (Zechariah (9:16). She is Proverbs 31, at least in the making because she seeks daily to become the type of woman that He desires her too. She is not flawless, but perfectly flawed. Every morning she wakes up wishing that she could be something different, someone different. But her Father comes to her as He wakes her up to remind her that she was not meant to be different than who she was, because He already created her different (Proverbs 30:30).

Lonely nights turning quickly around as she spends time with her Father, and laying every distraction aside. He whispers gentle promises to her about the future she will hold…Big things, great things…everything sounds unthinkable. But her Creator already prepared a destiny for her to walk in and now it is time. Her dreams are not diminished to anything small (Jeremiah 29:11).

Underneath her sparkle lied deep blemishes from past handlings. Scrapes and scratches that had eventually left scars. But He still saw her value. He still came to the rescued her again, healing every blemish that was supposed to be irremovable (Psalm 51:10). He still saw value after all of her flaws…and He continued to purify her, to keep her looking even more beautiful. Even though her heart had been scarred from the rejection of mankind, she had been untouched by the hands of a man.

He isolated her, because she was sacred to Him. Untouched.  Any association with this jewel had to go through the hands of her Father first. She was bought with a price, and if any man wanted her, her Father could only grant the permission. She was guarded, because He valued her that much. He protected her even in the times she didn’t see danger ahead. Hidden under His wings, as He isolated her because He wanted her fully to Himself. The world was a distraction and still is. Her Father wanted to keep her protected from the impurities of the world. She was the purest thing, because she did nothing outside of the will of God. Honoring everything that He set forth for her to obey. (Jeremiah 1:5)

Her purity was sacred, her image was holy as she represented her Father and her worth was priceless. This beautiful gem could not be cherished by many, because only her Father knew how too. He would have to teach them, because her worth is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10). She is held precious within His hands and to accept anything less would be settling. Her Father knows best for her…and as she submits to Him, He will give her the desires of her heart (Psalms 37:4).

She never realized her value until she realized that she was beautifully broken, in need of her Savior. Once wounded, but forever set free. No more pain, no more grief. Her Father rescued her and kept her safe. And yet, all this time, His view of her never once changed.

Set Apart at birth…A Royal Queen. But a Princess in the eyes of her Father (Ephesians 2:10).