Tag Archive | #faith

California Girl

Hey readers! I was cleaning up some files on my computer when I found this poem I wrote in my creative writing club in high school. Since I’m a California girl, I had to describe my childhood there.

California Girl

I am from the beautiful California breeze;
the famous cherry tree,
that I would climb
each time I visited Grandma’s.
SAM_0210.JPG
I am from rose bushes and gardens.
My mom would always plant,
fresh tomatoes in a salad
and let me say they were good eats.

I am from the park down the street.
Where I learned how to ride my bike
Daddy taught me how to ride,
then I learned how to skate.

I am from a place where memories were formed
Where most of the family was born
We were always so close,
California is where I belong the most.

20160213_174854.jpg

I am from the land of hope and dreams
Where stars are created and formed
The place I hope to go someday
And be up on that stage
Showing the world what I was made for.

IMG_3896.JPG

Advertisements

Be A Blessing 💖

Hey everyone! Wow, do I have so much to share with y’all! I’ve been so busy breaking my procrastination and trying to fulfill all of my summer goals before school starts back up. 😂 I’ve been seeking God more so lately. Trying to be bold and break through the fear of the unknown. I want His best for my life. But in the midst of being comfortable, sometimes fear sets in and you definitely do not feel like moving where He’s calling. 

Anyways, I’ve been accoomplishing goals and getting in the word more. That’s a plus! But today one little action had set me whole day to an amazing start! I had just dropped my sister off at her friends house, and I had been trying to activate my rewards card to my favorite chicken place, Raising Canes. I couldn’t find the free stuff I thought I had on my reward card. So I decided I’d go to Starbucks since it was right next store. I pulled in the drive through and waited in line, listening to my music. And as soon as I got up to the window, the bartista said “The lady in front of you just paid for your drink. She said to have a great day!” I took my drink and looked up ahead, but the lady who paided for me was gone. I was literally shocked you guys. I always wondered (in fact thought about it earlier this week) what it had felt like to have someone pay for something for me. My mom told me it was kinda like God was smiling down on me. I even felt like rewarded by God.

It’s the little things that can brighten up someone’s day. It’s been a rough year for me, no joke. But to have someone show kindness in an unexpected way, it made me feel like there was actual people put there with a loving heart. I’ve felt the opposite lately, so what that lady did really made me feel special. I even wanted to go back and do the same for someone else today. It’s just the little things that can totally flip around someone’s frown and make them feel special! I encourage everyone out there, as well as myself, to not forgot about being a blessing. Smile, give a compliment, write an encouraging note, ask how they are doing or even offer to pay for something for them! 

My day was totally made!

Dear Baby Boy- A Father’s Day Letter to my future son

Dear Baby Boy,
Of all the struggles, I pray you never have to struggle with this one. It is my sincere prayer that you are loved and cared all the days of your life by future daddy and I. I was reminded today on June 18, 2017 of the importance of fatherhood. I’m not sure how young you’ll be when you read this. I definitely want you to understand of the importance of the role of two father figures in your life. The first is your earthly father. I’m only 21 and I haven’t exactly meant your father yet, as I’m writing this, but I’ve been praying for your earthly daddy since the time I was 14. Praying that he’ll be everything that you need and want. And though he won’t be able to fill the voids and the cracks in your heart, I know he will be the emotional support you’ll need everyday. I can tell you one thing about him I have full faith in…he will be a man that chases after the savior’s heart. You’ll never have to question if he loves you because His Heavenly Father above has taught him how to love you and your siblings as God loved his son Jesus. He will teach you how to be a man one day, because that’s not something I am capable of. I will be here for you always, but the place of your father is one that I simply cannot fill. Your dad will talk a lot, and drive you crazy at times. For all you know, this is a prophecy of something that is already existing. He might even be getting on your nerves when he pushes you to try new things. But this is a good thing, future son. My father did that with me, and we will do that for you. You’ll realize soon enough that through the things your daddy pushes you towards, you’ll discover culture & creativity & passion. I want you to remember that also through your Heavenly Father, you’ll discover your worth as a King. He is your ultimate Father and you should always put Him first before anyone else. Because when you’re dad and I aren’t there with you at times, He will never leave. There’s so many promises to assure you of that…

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

I love you future son. And I can’t wait 4 the day you are born and also the day that you become a father and can do the same thing for your children.  You’ll never have to wonder because you have a support system built up around you, and you haven’t even been born yet.

See you soon, king.
Photo credit to Pinterest

The Absent Father

I had this crazy revelation today as I was sitting in church. Yesterday was Father’s day as everyone knows. And my pastor had asked a few of the men church leaders to get in front of the congregation and share about their experiences with being a Christian father. Very good stories had been shared as a few men talked about how their father wasn’t in their lives much, but eventually discovered God was their Father and He was able to show them what it meant to be a Godly father. They came to actuality that their kids watch their every move and how they needed to become better examples to some of their children. My father had also spoke about his experience being raised up in a Christian home, serving in the church and having his dad show him how to work hard. He began to get very emotional as he explained how his goal was to raise his girls (my sister and I) in a Godly home, teach us how to work and also to serve the Lord. It was a very beautiful Father’s day service that surpassed greater meaning than any sermon that could have happened on Father’s Day.

I began pondering upon my earliest thoughts from this week and also thoughts during church service yesterday. I recently had my family come to visit me this week and I had a lot on my mind about growing deeper relationships with everyone. As well as what it really means to have a father in my life because a relative of mine had recently lost his father 3 years ago this year.

My heart filled with sadness and also surprise as God brought an interesting thought to mind. This is what I felt as I thought about the absence of several father’s in our “family tree”: “Pretty much all of the family on my mom’s side of the family has lost their fathers and daddies to some cause of death; whether it’d be physical sickness, alcoholism, or being shot. My next thought shifted to my dad’s side of the father. I wondered what fathers were missing on my dad’s family but I couldn’t think of any. That’s when God gave me a second revelation on how there aren’t any fathers missing on my dad’s side, so what was it then? (My grandfather, all uncles and my father were all still alive). What I did get from that revelation, though, was that many of the men on my dad’s side were not physically absent but mentally and more even emotionally absent in their kids lives. Sure, they worked and provided for their families. They raised kids to become successful, but they had not been their emotionally to give their children real fatherhood that they needed. This is not a blog post to discredit any of the men in my family. But the truth of the matter is after sitting in church yesterday and hearing about the physical absence of fathers’ in so many lives of young struggling boys…mental and emotional absence also has an affect on a child. I am in no place to say which one is greater or smaller impact on a child because I believe everyone is wired very differently in the way that they are affected emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Point blank, psychologically we cannot limit a person’s dealing to this or that. I am just heart broken though. Because I have seen the upbringing of several different relatives in my family. I see the way deaths have hurt my mom’s side of the family as well as I’ve also seen how lack of needs being met in the lives of babies to grown children on my dad’s side.

Photo credit to themattwalshblog.com

I left church very grateful yesterday. As I’ve expressed many times, I was heart broken because what affects my family most definitely affects me. But I grew thankful in a way I never have before; to understand that my dad is still in my life. Though he is not perfect and is growing in ways to become a better father and meet the needs of his family, I have seen growth in him. That’s something a few of my family members will never be able to see from their deceased fathers or from their fathers who don’t care enough to emotionally be there to support their children. I wrote this to say…God is good! First off, He has been the Father I’ve always needed. I always try to acknowledge him each year for how great He has been to me. I am an extremely imperfect daughter that tries to abound in His presence regularly. What my earthly father cannot even give me, thank the Lord that God above has been able to supply and satisfy every need/desire and fill every void in my heart. Also, I have grown to a deeper appreciation of my earthly father because I am aware of the impact of not having a father can cause a person. There have been times when I suffered from the lack of emotional support from my own father. But I praise God because I see him seeking God daily in order to grow as a Godly husband, father, leader and provider. I am grateful to God because I don’t think he would be growing so much in faith and fatherhood if God hadn’t stepped in and showed him how to take the lead. It’s been a test of faith and much prayers, and there’s still growth. Don’t give up on your fathers, y’all. One day you’ll be surprised what your prayers can actually do. My prayers happened in the spread through a few years, but God is faithful.

Please check out my blog below. I wrote this shortly after this one because I was inspired to write a letter to my future husband and future husband as it pertains to fatherhood.

A Bold Prayer

A prayer…when struggling in doubt and confusion.

You are in control, Lord. All that goes on…you are a shield around me. I don’t understand….but You are good. I ask that you begin to change my heart. I don’t believe I’ve ever prayed that. I ask that you receive my boldness before your throne. If this things are what you have for my life, I ask that you’d begin to change my mindset to accept them. I thank you for allowing me to be open and willing to your plans for me. I have trust issues now, God. I haven’t been able to look at anything from a positive view. That’s what makes it so hard to trust you. I know that you are in control. I just need you to teach me how to trust you..I don’t know about life anymore, Lord. I’m kind of afraid of everything now..but I receive your peace and strength and I thank You that You are breaking my walls down. I give you full access of my heart. Begin to change me, rearrange me. Give me Your heart. And help me to receive all of your good things. Change my heart so I am no longer consumed in fear, anxiety, uncertainity. I love you Father..thank you for constantly teaching me how to love you. I know You’re God, but I can’t believe you’ve stuck with me this far…
I pray this in Jesus Name, amen.

Lonely Road

I absolutely love this song. For the portion I grew closer in my walk with God 5 years ago, I walked alone. Just a high school girl, who was actually anointed to be a woman of God. Fast forward those 5 years later, I’m in a greater dwelling place of the Lord. It feels even lonelier now. Just me and God. But what I’m learning during this season of being alone with God is that He is all I need. I feel like we hear people talk about contentment in Christ like it is so easy; they even put it in worship songs like it’s so simple to just surrender everything to God. Fact of the matter, it hurts when you have no one to turn to but God… But maturity is found when you continue to press in. God actually had to draw me closer to Him through isolation. Nobody around to be distracting. Even though feelings of confusion continue to lie within, I will lie on my face before my Father and cry out. Those lonely nights when I want someone to talk to, I don’t even take it to the “friends” that are left, it goes straight to the Father.

I love you, Jesus…thank you for being faithful. The only one that has kept me this whole time. For you have never abandoned.

 

The Missing Rib 💋

​11-27-16 Sunday 1:40 am
A woman or rarity and wholeness. 

Pure and hidden in the hands of God.

Untouched…
I was the missing rib that was removed from his side.

He was put in a deep sleep, being prepared by God.

Just for me.

Those words were once unfathomable.

They remained a dream that hoped for the accompaniment of a vision.
I am the missing rib that is waiting in preparation.

No other part of the rib cage can compare. 

I been anointed to love him, even in the times he can’t see himself as worthy.

What he doesn’t see, is the strength he has.

As a King…
Adam, I can’t complete you. But I definitely will push out your potential.

You don’t see the greater you, and mainly because God is showing you.

He will ultimately get the glory, but He will most definitely show you the creation that you were predestined to be.
As a rib, that’s why part of why I’m waiting.

When he is ready, he will believe on himself again.

His vision and purpose will be complimented by me.

Though I thought I was ready, I became reminded of who chose me in the first place. 

I lost sight of Him, and now I crave to be closer.

Stronger. Bonded with Him.

If I ever lost sight of that, My First Love, I am so sorry.

I’m sorry if you felt neglected and pushed to the side. 

Because of my unawareness.
I’m returning to you My First Love. 

Love me first, and show me who I am.

First as a woman of God.

In Your timing, present me as the missing rib to the sleeping Adam that is in a deep sleep.

I will be waiting, ready as your helpmate.

But I need to be assured that you will do your job in pursuing and protecting me.

I am hidden in God, and I can’t be exposed to anything outside of that.

My prayer is though, that he is more concerned of the things of you, than the desire he is to be loved by his missing rib.

Me.

Sleep well, Adam. My prayer is that your mind is filled with sweet and perfect dreams.