Tag Archive | #Father

The Absent Father

I had this crazy revelation today as I was sitting in church. Yesterday was Father’s day as everyone knows. And my pastor had asked a few of the men church leaders to get in front of the congregation and share about their experiences with being a Christian father. Very good stories had been shared as a few men talked about how their father wasn’t in their lives much, but eventually discovered God was their Father and He was able to show them what it meant to be a Godly father. They came to actuality that their kids watch their every move and how they needed to become better examples to some of their children. My father had also spoke about his experience being raised up in a Christian home, serving in the church and having his dad show him how to work hard. He began to get very emotional as he explained how his goal was to raise his girls (my sister and I) in a Godly home, teach us how to work and also to serve the Lord. It was a very beautiful Father’s day service that surpassed greater meaning than any sermon that could have happened on Father’s Day.

I began pondering upon my earliest thoughts from this week and also thoughts during church service yesterday. I recently had my family come to visit me this week and I had a lot on my mind about growing deeper relationships with everyone. As well as what it really means to have a father in my life because a relative of mine had recently lost his father 3 years ago this year.

My heart filled with sadness and also surprise as God brought an interesting thought to mind. This is what I felt as I thought about the absence of several father’s in our “family tree”: “Pretty much all of the family on my mom’s side of the family has lost their fathers and daddies to some cause of death; whether it’d be physical sickness, alcoholism, or being shot. My next thought shifted to my dad’s side of the father. I wondered what fathers were missing on my dad’s family but I couldn’t think of any. That’s when God gave me a second revelation on how there aren’t any fathers missing on my dad’s side, so what was it then? (My grandfather, all uncles and my father were all still alive). What I did get from that revelation, though, was that many of the men on my dad’s side were not physically absent but mentally and more even emotionally absent in their kids lives. Sure, they worked and provided for their families. They raised kids to become successful, but they had not been their emotionally to give their children real fatherhood that they needed. This is not a blog post to discredit any of the men in my family. But the truth of the matter is after sitting in church yesterday and hearing about the physical absence of fathers’ in so many lives of young struggling boys…mental and emotional absence also has an affect on a child. I am in no place to say which one is greater or smaller impact on a child because I believe everyone is wired very differently in the way that they are affected emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Point blank, psychologically we cannot limit a person’s dealing to this or that. I am just heart broken though. Because I have seen the upbringing of several different relatives in my family. I see the way deaths have hurt my mom’s side of the family as well as I’ve also seen how lack of needs being met in the lives of babies to grown children on my dad’s side.

Photo credit to themattwalshblog.com

I left church very grateful yesterday. As I’ve expressed many times, I was heart broken because what affects my family most definitely affects me. But I grew thankful in a way I never have before; to understand that my dad is still in my life. Though he is not perfect and is growing in ways to become a better father and meet the needs of his family, I have seen growth in him. That’s something a few of my family members will never be able to see from their deceased fathers or from their fathers who don’t care enough to emotionally be there to support their children. I wrote this to say…God is good! First off, He has been the Father I’ve always needed. I always try to acknowledge him each year for how great He has been to me. I am an extremely imperfect daughter that tries to abound in His presence regularly. What my earthly father cannot even give me, thank the Lord that God above has been able to supply and satisfy every need/desire and fill every void in my heart. Also, I have grown to a deeper appreciation of my earthly father because I am aware of the impact of not having a father can cause a person. There have been times when I suffered from the lack of emotional support from my own father. But I praise God because I see him seeking God daily in order to grow as a Godly husband, father, leader and provider. I am grateful to God because I don’t think he would be growing so much in faith and fatherhood if God hadn’t stepped in and showed him how to take the lead. It’s been a test of faith and much prayers, and there’s still growth. Don’t give up on your fathers, y’all. One day you’ll be surprised what your prayers can actually do. My prayers happened in the spread through a few years, but God is faithful.

Please check out my blog below. I wrote this shortly after this one because I was inspired to write a letter to my future husband and future husband as it pertains to fatherhood.

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A Bold Prayer

A prayer…when struggling in doubt and confusion.

You are in control, Lord. All that goes on…you are a shield around me. I don’t understand….but You are good. I ask that you begin to change my heart. I don’t believe I’ve ever prayed that. I ask that you receive my boldness before your throne. If this things are what you have for my life, I ask that you’d begin to change my mindset to accept them. I thank you for allowing me to be open and willing to your plans for me. I have trust issues now, God. I haven’t been able to look at anything from a positive view. That’s what makes it so hard to trust you. I know that you are in control. I just need you to teach me how to trust you..I don’t know about life anymore, Lord. I’m kind of afraid of everything now..but I receive your peace and strength and I thank You that You are breaking my walls down. I give you full access of my heart. Begin to change me, rearrange me. Give me Your heart. And help me to receive all of your good things. Change my heart so I am no longer consumed in fear, anxiety, uncertainity. I love you Father..thank you for constantly teaching me how to love you. I know You’re God, but I can’t believe you’ve stuck with me this far…
I pray this in Jesus Name, amen.

A Jewel in His Crown

Zechariah 9:16″ On that day the LORD their God will save them, as the flock of his people; for like the jewels of a crown they shall shine on his land.”

The love I’m learning now, isn’t what I had before. It’s the kind that feels like it’s going away, but you’re holding on so tight to it.

My Father…

He has been the one to never abandon me. A mist all the brokenness I’ve experienced through the years, He’s stayed put. Words like I will carry you through, and I will never forsake you. that’s what keeps me going. 

For a while, I didn’t feel as close to Him. Pain and confusion ruptured my mind. I could not find my Father. He told me He’d never leave. Though I couldn’t find Him. 

Now I’ve had to find my way back into His arms. I must have been so far away to get this distant. I’m sorry, Father. Never again. You are my focus to stay. 

I fight through faith and understanding of His promises. As much as I want to throw my hands up, my eyes cannot look downward. If I do, I’m gone for good. Father, even though I’m still traveling back, and finding my way to You, please just speak a word. If I could only hear Your voice, I will not stumble. I’m doing my best, Lord. 

My mind is distracted and concrete with pain. I don’t understand….aren’t I better than this? Aren’t I better than the pain of the outside world? It makes me never want to step foot outside again. I am handling it the best way I can. Or how I know to. Studying your Word. Overlooking your promises.

Not long ago, You said you haven’t failed me. I will hold tight to that..because everything I once knew isn’t apart of me anymore. I’m not beoken, but I’m struggling to find true wholeness..in You. 

I want to be in love again, with You. But I’m hurting. If you remove the focus f my hurt, I will be fine. All I need is understanding. You an have everything else, I don’t want anything anymore. 

You’ve proven to me my Rock and Fortress. When I trusted You, Ive never been disappointed. I experienced pain and trials, but they gave me the faith I now hold. The pain is slowly disappearing and I feel stronger. more confident. 

Take the broken heart away…it’s Yours. And I don’t want it anymore. Align me back into Your Crown. As not a ruby or a diamond, but the rare jewel I have always been. Not looking like the rest of them. My shine is so much brighter. Much more purer. Sparkling, more than ever. Fit me back into the space I’ve always had on Your Crown. Keep me safe there. Because I know with you, I’m protected. Keep me hidden so I never fall out. Hidden in You..I’ll remain. I shall not be afraid or disappointed.

Daughters of a King…