Tag Archive | Love

Believing the Word of God anyway…When Battling with your feelings/oppression

I always know when I’m under a spiritual attack or spiritual warefare. I always start off doing great. I’m reading my Word, and praying. Feeling like I can conquer anything because I have stayed close to God. Then off of a sudden a random spark or frustration enter my life, and lately as it seems to be able to knock me off course. I fall into a depression and I begin becoming distant.

To be real…it’s scary how you can know God’s Word and know that falling away from Him isn’t a good idea, but you still are convinced it’s no big deal anyway. Then you begin to feel symptoms of oppression from the devil during that times. It’s real guys, spiritual warfare is out there because satan does not want us to succeed in victory. I don’t mean to credit him for his evil schemes, but he has a way of oppressing some of us enough to where we get comfortable in it, and enough to where we aren’t desperate for God to deliver us. His main goal is to make us feel defeated to where we completely give up…and why? Because he knows the potential we have to work in the Kingdom of God, and he desperately needs to stop us so we cannot succeed. I’m a little off topic, but in the midst of me feeling attacked and nor having the strength to get in God’s word. I’m doing it anyway. I’m also reading a book called Girls with Swords by Lisa Bevere. And it has helped me to see why the battle between God’s children and the devil is so real and what’s really going on.

But continuing on, I have noticed especially during these times where I feel distant from God, I’ve usually slipped back into a state of oppression. And the lies (I say lies because they’re extremely convincing, but not from God) that I have believed about God are crazy. That is what also has kept me from wanting to seek Him further. But… I know what the Word says…and I know who God really is. Why am I so persuaded that His character is not what it says it is? It’s in His Word, He says He loves me so much that He sent His son Jesus Christ to die for me. So I could have everlasting life! 

That’s the part as believers that we have to conquer. Along with so many other influences, I believe the media is one that has such a pedestal and has convinced us that we are not worth what we really are. Weight is not good enough… body shape, hair, facial features, economic status, how much we possess. So we take all of those things, and actually believe what they say. You’re nothing if you don’t have …… And we believe that!

Then, when we come to God’s Word, we have a hard time believing Him because we let lies from the devil and these outside sources hold their “credibility” in our minds. We can believe all this other stuff from the Bible (if even that), but the part about God having a plan for our life in Jeremiah 29:11 can’t be true? 

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work


The important part I want you to see is, All Scripture is God-breathed. The Word was written through other people, but it was God inspired and He gave them the words to write. God is never silent but speaks very thorough on His thoughts toward His people.

This morning I had to push myself to start reading the Word again, after being out of it for a few months. The thought came to mind of what am I going to do when I read the Word? As I’m reading these verses, will I believe them to be true? Or see that they are true and straight from God’s word, but continue believing the lies I’ve believed (that are contrary to God’s word)?

That’s when I realized, I will actually have to believe even when my mind and emotions don’t feel like it. We are so often looking for a feeling that makes us feel like reading our Bibles, or praying. We won’t always feel motivated to do that. And when in a war against the enemy, it’s our choice to press through and stay close to God or fall away. There isn’t a gravitational force that connects us to God. This isn’t to say that God has left us during this time. But not spending time with Him will cause us to feel as though He’s left. And that’s the truth. It would be the same way if we had a relationship with anybody in our life. I spend time with a friend for a couple days during the week. We begin to skip hanging out during the week, and a month or two goes by. I don’t feel that closeness to that person as much because we’ve given up our personal time together. The relationship hasn’t felt like it’s growing.

The Word of God is clear when it talks about finding God.

Jeremiah 29:13 NIV

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I hope this post wasn’t too all over the place. I really encourage your if you are struggling with doubt about the way God sees you, or even getting back into your Bible, to do it anyway. There’s no formula that I can give yout that’ll make your doubt magically appear. There’s not a 3 step method. But when you get in God’s Word, your mind will be transformed to believing the truth. Along with prayer, you will begin to feel closer to God as you stay in consistency. Overall, the ultimate factor over believing truth over the lies is choice. I learned that this morning as I read this,

Psalm 139:15‭-‬18 NIV

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

I had no other way to make myself get this scripture that God’s thoughts are precious to me. I have to train my mind to see myself as God sees me. Train myself to believe that His word is true. Because I know it is, but because of the way I perceive myself at times, it often conflicts with whether or not I will believe what He really says. And He created me! So how can the Creator of the universe, who created me…and knows me inside and out.. be false in His thoughts towards me?

A mini project I do is writing scripture of God’s thoughts towards me on some note cards and put it on my wall or somen here that I can see it often. And do repeat it to myself often daily as part of training my mind of the Gods truth. Here’s a few encouraging ones, but there’s so much more!

Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139, Psalm 18:2, Psalm 140:7

Be blessed guys! 

The Missing Rib 💋

​11-27-16 Sunday 1:40 am
A woman or rarity and wholeness. 

Pure and hidden in the hands of God.

I was the missing rib that was removed from his side.

He was put in a deep sleep, being prepared by God.

Just for me.

Those words were once unfathomable.

They remained a dream that hoped for the accompaniment of a vision.
I am the missing rib that is waiting in preparation.

No other part of the rib cage can compare. 

I been anointed to love him, even in the times he can’t see himself as worthy.

What he doesn’t see, is the strength he has.

As a King…
Adam, I can’t complete you. But I definitely will push out your potential.

You don’t see the greater you, and mainly because God is showing you.

He will ultimately get the glory, but He will most definitely show you the creation that you were predestined to be.
As a rib, that’s why part of why I’m waiting.

When he is ready, he will believe on himself again.

His vision and purpose will be complimented by me.

Though I thought I was ready, I became reminded of who chose me in the first place. 

I lost sight of Him, and now I crave to be closer.

Stronger. Bonded with Him.

If I ever lost sight of that, My First Love, I am so sorry.

I’m sorry if you felt neglected and pushed to the side. 

Because of my unawareness.
I’m returning to you My First Love. 

Love me first, and show me who I am.

First as a woman of God.

In Your timing, present me as the missing rib to the sleeping Adam that is in a deep sleep.

I will be waiting, ready as your helpmate.

But I need to be assured that you will do your job in pursuing and protecting me.

I am hidden in God, and I can’t be exposed to anything outside of that.

My prayer is though, that he is more concerned of the things of you, than the desire he is to be loved by his missing rib.


Sleep well, Adam. My prayer is that your mind is filled with sweet and perfect dreams.

God’s Word to me: Silence through the Struggle


“You may not understand what’s happening in your life right now. But I’ve got you right where I want you. I need you to become so content in Me, that I’m enough for you. I’m not silent because I don’t love you. Right now, your trust in Me is tested by how willing you are to hold onto my Word. Will you praise me even when you question my where abouts? Will you push forward and allow me to do the work for you.

I will guide you through this. I will strip you of feelings of inadequacy and confusion. Stay close to Me, my Daughter. Keep your eyes lifted upon Me, as you live in continual surrender each day. Fear not, for I am with you. My Presence is always available to you. You just have to draw towards it. I am waiting in our secret place, where I wait daily to spend time with you.”

Black Kings: Reclaim Your Throne 

Photo credit to the artist who created it..
From the soul in your heart,

To the beauty of your skin,

You are a piece of art.

Every shape and facial feature,

Every curve, every line.

Everything about you, is stunning.

Yet society fails to recognize that,

even you do…at times. 

With the eyes God gave me,  I only see black kings.

Men that have incredible strength that I have yet to see in any other race. 

Your voice is beautiful…

Deep, slurrish, country…call it what you want. It reminds me of the sound of music. 

Your hair is breath-taking.

Whether you wear it natural, braided or dreaded up. 

Your culture is one I’m fascinated by,

Because of strong men and men who never failed when it came to strength.

Embrace it…your beauty is not what defines you as king. But you need to realize your overall value.

These are just a few things that enhance your Kingly status.

Stereotypes shall not limit you…

For you are more.

Regardless of your background, upbringing, family, home life, or parents,

You are a King. 

Reclaim your throne, because your life can only be in control by you.

You weren’t meant to live as average.

You weren’t meant to live as less than.

A King is valued everywhere he goes, but first he must realize his identity before anyone else does.

When they try and devalue you, you shrug it right off. You already know who you are…

Rise up, King. Reclaim your throne.

Adjust that crown to sit upright on your head.

You are valued…
-Love your sister Queen who is rooting for you.

Purely Rare & Set Apart

I reminisce on my high school days. I was a set apart woman, well teenager for God. But in the days I spent sitting on a brick planter reading my bible during lunch, I became a stronger Christian. I felt like I was being equipped for greater. All of my “peers” around me talking about what happened last night, falling all over each other seeing how far they can go with each other in the court yards. It was hard not to crave intimacy when you’re constantly walking past the middle of the action. I had to refocus a lot. What did I desire?
Temporary pleasure, or lasting intimacy that only God could provide.

I grew closer to God during my high school years. I found my worth and value. I began understanding what purpose a woman of God had. I wasn’t solely a Christian, I was a Daughter of the Most High. It was those lonely nights of isolation that actually gravitated me closer to God. He always showed me His hidden mysterious and built me up in His sweet promises. My Father chose me to love… that’s breathtaking. I am so amazed. I so desire to be in those years again because they were truly beautiful. I love the fact that God spared me, protected me and hid me. I wouldn’t be as beautifully broken and built up in my faith, if it hadn’t been for those 4 years of preparation.

I am a jewel. I never viewed myself above what I should, but the scripture made it plan and clear how precious I am to my Father. But goodness, how can I be wrong for claiming and representing it? I longed to be valued by that. I believed I was strong enough to make it on my own, but being protected was one of the numerous ways I received love. And God knew that. I didn’t have a boyfriend or friends for that matter. I had to do things on my own a lot, and that’s mostly why I ate lunch alone. I thought it was because of something; at first it didn’t make sense that I was this beautiful person, yet people wanted nothing to do with me. And then my Father whispered His sweet thoughts to me. “I have set you apart, beautiful.”

In my mind I thought that only meant God viewed me a lot differently than others. Not that I was shown favoritism, but I understood that I did have great favor from my Father because I chose to walk in His ways. All true… but, the part of the set apart anointing was being put to the side for God. He wanted me to be hidden especially for Him. And again that went back to me being protected because God KNEW He had so much more for my life than what the high school experience had to offer. God chose to prepare me during those crucial years of influence to prepare me for what I am now. A strong woman of faith who is a prayer warrior with a set apart anointing.

Oh my Heavenly Father, I want to experience years like those again. I want revival again, I desire those dreams I always use to have. Sometimes twenty times a day. I am a dreamer, but I need your vision. God, to be honest, I want to experience you all over again. The fire has dimmed, but I ask that You’d ignite it and make it flame. I want to go on this journey with You and experience You like never before. Especially during the valleys. We grow so close when we go through the times of just You and I. You and I. You and I. Those words are so special to me. I may not be young like I used to, and I’ll never get those years back. I am grateful for what You showed me when I was younger. And I believe what I’m asking is that You would recreate that relationship again; where I wouldn’t miss you opportunities with you. I want to spend that time with You again. Remember Jesus, when we would have our date nights. People thought it sounded crazy. But during our time, You would pursue me. And I would praise You for how wonderful You were. I want that again, and as I go throughout this new season of my life, I pray you show up and show out like never before. Thank You for this new anointing, new identity in You, new passion, new dreams, new trials, new tests of faith, new creation, new things and a fulfilled testinmony.

I am purely rare, created by You O’ God.

The Isolated Gem Pt.2

June 21, 2016
Similar to the gem in the hands of the miner…

She is a Queen; a precious Jewel, but not an ordinary one. A rare jewel that hasn’t been seen before that sparkles of every type of color in her Father’s crown (Zechariah (9:16). She is Proverbs 31, at least in the making because she seeks daily to become the type of woman that He desires her too. She is not flawless, but perfectly flawed. Every morning she wakes up wishing that she could be something different, someone different. But her Father comes to her as He wakes her up to remind her that she was not meant to be different than who she was, because He already created her different (Proverbs 30:30).

Lonely nights turning quickly around as she spends time with her Father, and laying every distraction aside. He whispers gentle promises to her about the future she will hold…Big things, great things…everything sounds unthinkable. But her Creator already prepared a destiny for her to walk in and now it is time. Her dreams are not diminished to anything small (Jeremiah 29:11).

Underneath her sparkle lied deep blemishes from past handlings. Scrapes and scratches that had eventually left scars. But He still saw her value. He still came to the rescued her again, healing every blemish that was supposed to be irremovable (Psalm 51:10). He still saw value after all of her flaws…and He continued to purify her, to keep her looking even more beautiful. Even though her heart had been scarred from the rejection of mankind, she had been untouched by the hands of a man.

He isolated her, because she was sacred to Him. Untouched.  Any association with this jewel had to go through the hands of her Father first. She was bought with a price, and if any man wanted her, her Father could only grant the permission. She was guarded, because He valued her that much. He protected her even in the times she didn’t see danger ahead. Hidden under His wings, as He isolated her because He wanted her fully to Himself. The world was a distraction and still is. Her Father wanted to keep her protected from the impurities of the world. She was the purest thing, because she did nothing outside of the will of God. Honoring everything that He set forth for her to obey. (Jeremiah 1:5)

Her purity was sacred, her image was holy as she represented her Father and her worth was priceless. This beautiful gem could not be cherished by many, because only her Father knew how too. He would have to teach them, because her worth is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10). She is held precious within His hands and to accept anything less would be settling. Her Father knows best for her…and as she submits to Him, He will give her the desires of her heart (Psalms 37:4).

She never realized her value until she realized that she was beautifully broken, in need of her Savior. Once wounded, but forever set free. No more pain, no more grief. Her Father rescued her and kept her safe. And yet, all this time, His view of her never once changed.

Set Apart at birth…A Royal Queen. But a Princess in the eyes of her Father (Ephesians 2:10).

Hakeem’s Lyric: Seeking the Bronze Key

September 3, 2016

Hakeem “Wise”

Shaya “God’s Gift”

Below I have written a poem similar to the poetry style of Songs of Solomon in the Bible, except it is more modern day and easy to figure out its symbolic meanings.. Solomon admired every aspect of his bride. Every aspect of her body, her beauty and pursued her through their relationship. In this story, Hakeem is an example of a modern day husband that pursued his wife in every area of their relationship.  I will post on this blog and include the rest of the parts to the poem series that I will post little by little! Follow my blog to be updated and leave a like or comment below to let me know what you thought of the story! Enjoy…

Hakeem… (The Pursuer)

She is a jewel of her own, incomparable to the others. An Isolated Gem.. Complimented with jewelry that enhances her beauty more. She’s so gentle and beautiful. Precious… I gaze upon her beauty, it is so overpowering. I feel weak, in a good way, because all I want to do is serve her, protect her but most importantly lead her. My Beauty. God must have used a detailed blueprint when He made her. Every detail of her face is perfection, and yet perfectly flawed. Each scar, mark, indent and line.

Shaya… (God’s Gift)

I never thought I was worthy when I was accompanied by my beloved. Hidden. Isolated. Forgotten. That’s what I felt like at times. I never was pursued, I never was lead. I desired to be carried away, but most men weren’t strong enough. They did not have the confidence to approach me.  An answered prayer, that was worth the wait I endured through singleness. In his presence, I never felt my time was wasted. Most of it is spent admiring him. His attire represents him as strong. On his right arm, is a tattoo of my name, engraved in a heart. Simple, but classic. I was afraid that soon he would have to bear the pain of having my name; and if we separated, he would be stuck with it permanently. Thank you my beloved, for teaching me how to be strong. Thank you for embracing me even in the midst of my deepest hurts. I couldn’t trust you at first, but you have truly proved me wrong. You never left…

As Solomon once compared his bride, so am I comparing you “Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women.” (Song of Solomon 2:2) Nothing out there in the world that is so perfectly held by God as her. You have had suffered a lot of disappointments, but I am here to protect you from ever feeling that with me. Open your heart to me, and reveal the depths of your soul. I desire to explore your hurts, fears and disappointment; I can’t make them go away, but I will hold you thru it all. I am not your strength, but we both know who grants it to us.

Fight is all we know. The trials we have endured together since the beginning…oh, how hard they seemed at first. Yet, they put to death the fear and the hurt we once knew. It allowed us to cleave, as one. To fight, as one. To struggle, as one. Three cords are not easily broken.

Prior to meeting her, all I knew was fight and all she knew was pain. Well, they are both one in the same. Though her struggles were quite different than mine. Hers kept herself locked in a box covered with roses and leaves and she was afraid to come out. I lacked faith for a while because I thought I never would be able to see her. The key was misplaced, and when I found it, it was distorted.

In the beginning I precaution him. “Don’t open the box. You don’t know what lies inside.” If he knew, he wouldn’t go any further. There was darkness and fear. That’s why the key was distorted, because others had glanced upon the rose decorative box but didn’t realize something so ugly could be lying inside the box.The trespassers purged their way through, and jacked up the key. Neither could they open it. The cry for help frightened them and they proceeded no further, dropping the key in various places.

Her Father gave me the key…that was the only way…I spent so much time searching for it. He put it right in my sight; a dull bronze key lied within His hand. “This is to be treasured. If you cannot treasure it, I will have to ask for it back.” His last reply made me think. I really had to be careful, this wasn’t any ordinary key. The key was to her heart.