“The exhausting manipulation and control it takes to protect an identity based on circumstances will crush our hearts and hide the best of who we are behind a wall of insecurity.” ~Lysa TerKerust
I came across this quote from Lysa TerKeurst’s new book, Uninvited. It wasn’t coincidental at all that this book came in the right amount of time, because this month has drove me to the darkest parts of my soul and I can’t even begin to understand how I got to the level of emotion that I have felt. All roads lead back to that word… rejection. What I don’t want to write is where I vent all my feelings, but I explain the roots of these deep scars that I have in order to begin a healing process that can not only help myself, but help other people to dig deeper into the mental and emotional bondage that they are experiencing.
The scars of being rejected come from many different circumstances, but I will explain those shortly. The only way I can truly identify with my personal rejection is being trapped in a mute body. I have life in me, I have so much that I want to do with my life and accomplish but somehow I have become convinced that I am not good enough. Isn’t that what rejection stems from? Lack of worth and identity crisis? Everyone wants acceptance, but there has to be root of not feeling that somewhere in the heart.
In my personal experience, rejection wasn’t often verbal. It was all action based…I guess the phrase “Actions speak louder than words” is really the real deal. Based on actions, you can understand intentions and motives. So the ways I perceived acceptance was based around whether or not others wanted to be around me; if they would take time out to hear what I was going through; through words of affirmation/actions. I hope that explains everything a little better…basically acceptance comes through people. That’s the way I had understood it to be.
The time when rejection hit its hardest was in high school when I began to walk alone with God. I didn’t fit in with my classmates, I didn’t have but one friend that I barely had genuine connection with. I began to feel unaccepted by outside family members and church people. I didn’t understand the isolation. I started feeling unwanted by other people because I wasn’t embraced or accepted; and then came to terms with questioning my image, my worth, if I was loved and if I would ever be loved the way that I heard pastors talk about.
Rejection was composed of the fear that one day you will wake up, and you’ll lose every good thing you tried so hard to keep. But it’s also the fear of wondering if you had ever been good enough in the first place to have it… When you don’t understand that your worth is solely rooted in Christ, you will begin to question how important you really are. As a creation of God, you deserve good things! You need to be able to come to terms with that. Believe me, I think I have thought of every reason why I should completely stay in my shell and not open up my heart in any relationships or to the Lord. Another word from the book, TerKeurst says that “the mind feasts on what it focuses on. What consumes my thinking will be the making or breaking of my identity”
I’ve heard plenty of “reassuring” cliches that tell you how God loves you, and that it is good enough. But you have to be willing to ask God to show you His love for you instead of simply believing it. You need receive it in order to experience it.
With all of that being said, I believe there is a healing process to these scars of not measuring up and being always feeling rejected. A few things you have to come to understanding with:
- Even though I don’t feel accepted to the world, do I understand that my God accepts me?
- Will I receive His love and allow Him to expose the toughest parts of my heart?
- Do I want to change? Do I want restoration/healing in my life? Will I trust God as my Comforter?
Part 2 coming soon…until then meditate on these few scriptures this week. As you begin to focus on negative thoughts and dwell on feeling unloved, know that you are loved by the God who created the Universe. His ways are not like the ways of humans. And He welcomes you with open arms…ask Him to embrace you in them. You are ACCEPTED!
Psalm 94:14 “For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.”
“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.“