Tag Archive | Loved

Lonely Road

I absolutely love this song. For the portion I grew closer in my walk with God 5 years ago, I walked alone. Just a high school girl, who was actually anointed to be a woman of God. Fast forward those 5 years later, I’m in a greater dwelling place of the Lord. It feels even lonelier now. Just me and God. But what I’m learning during this season of being alone with God is that He is all I need. I feel like we hear people talk about contentment in Christ like it is so easy; they even put it in worship songs like it’s so simple to just surrender everything to God. Fact of the matter, it hurts when you have no one to turn to but God… But maturity is found when you continue to press in. God actually had to draw me closer to Him through isolation. Nobody around to be distracting. Even though feelings of confusion continue to lie within, I will lie on my face before my Father and cry out. Those lonely nights when I want someone to talk to, I don’t even take it to the “friends” that are left, it goes straight to the Father.

I love you, Jesus…thank you for being faithful. The only one that has kept me this whole time. For you have never abandoned.

 

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The Unwanted One Pt.1: Addressing Rejection

“The exhausting manipulation and control it takes to protect an identity based on circumstances will crush our hearts and hide the best of who we are behind a wall of insecurity.” ~Lysa TerKerust

I came across this quote from Lysa TerKeurst’s new book, Uninvited. It wasn’t coincidental at all that this book came in the right amount of time, because this month has drove me to the darkest parts of my soul and I can’t even begin to understand how I got to the level of emotion that I have felt. All roads lead back to that word… rejection. What I don’t want to write is where I vent all my feelings, but I explain the roots of these deep scars that I have in order to begin a healing process that can not only help myself, but help other people to dig deeper into the mental and emotional bondage that they are experiencing.

The scars of being rejected come from many different circumstances, but I will explain those shortly. The only way I can truly identify with my personal rejection is being trapped in a mute body. I have life in me, I have so much that I want to do with my life and accomplish but somehow I have become convinced that I am not good enough. Isn’t that what rejection stems from? Lack of worth and identity crisis? Everyone wants acceptance, but there has to be root of not feeling that somewhere in the heart.

In my personal experience, rejection wasn’t often verbal. It was all action based…I guess the phrase “Actions speak louder than words” is really the real deal. Based on actions, you can understand intentions and motives. So the ways I perceived acceptance was based around whether or not others wanted to be around me; if they would take time out to hear what I was going through; through words of affirmation/actions. I hope that explains everything a little better…basically acceptance comes through people. That’s the way I had understood it to be.

The time when rejection hit its hardest was in high school when I began to walk alone with God. I didn’t fit in with my classmates, I didn’t have but one friend that I barely had genuine connection with. I began to feel unaccepted by outside family members and church people. I didn’t understand the isolation. I started feeling unwanted by other people because I wasn’t embraced or accepted; and then came to terms with questioning my image, my worth, if I was loved and if I would ever be loved the way that I heard pastors talk about.

Rejection was composed of the fear that one day you will wake up, and you’ll lose every good thing you tried so hard to keep. But it’s also the fear of wondering if you had ever been good enough in the first place to have it… When you don’t understand that your worth is solely rooted in Christ, you will begin to question how important you really are. As a creation of God, you deserve good things! You need to be able to come to terms with that. Believe me, I think I have thought of every reason why I should completely stay in my shell and not open up my heart in any relationships or to the Lord. Another word from the book, TerKeurst says that “the mind feasts on what it focuses on. What consumes my thinking will be the making or breaking of my identity”

I’ve heard plenty of “reassuring” cliches that tell you how God loves you, and that it is good enough. But you have to be willing to ask God to show you His love for you instead of simply believing it. You need receive it in order to experience it.

With all of that being said, I believe there is a healing process to these scars of not measuring up and being always feeling rejected. A few things you have to come to understanding with:

  • Even though I don’t feel accepted to the world, do I understand that my God accepts me? 
  • Will I receive His love and allow Him to expose the toughest parts of my heart?
  • Do I want to change? Do I want restoration/healing in my life? Will I trust God as my Comforter?

Part 2 coming soon…until then meditate on these few scriptures this week. As you begin to focus on negative thoughts and dwell on feeling unloved, know that you are loved by the God who created the Universe. His ways are not like the ways of humans. And He welcomes you with open arms…ask Him to embrace you in them. You are ACCEPTED!

Psalm 94:14 “For the LORD will not reject his people; he will never forsake his inheritance.

Psalm 34:17-20

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken.

 

True Beauty in Christ

I wake up and look in the mirror. And wonder, who am I? Am I BEAUTIFUL? Theres something wrong with my hair, my figure, my face… Where can I find my true identity? What is beauty?

One thing I have always stuck by is knowing that I AM BEAUTIFUL! I don’t need the media to tell me my worth. Or a guy to critique God’s art.

I just wonder how the Lord made me. Did he paint the freckles? Sculpt my hands. Draw my eyes. Speak my heartbeat.  Breath life into my nostrils. Its the beauty of His art.

I look around and see confusion. I see a gorgeous woman judging her inner self by what her outer apperance looks like. I’m not beautiful because I wear makeup. I’m not important because I wear designer clothes. I can’t have a husband because I don’t look a certain way.

God had a masterpiece in mind. He took his hands and created me. No blueprint, no drawn map. God KNEW me. He knew me by name.when I was in my mothers wound. I was predestined to bring glory to His Name. The Almighty God created me to fulfill HIS purpose, to bring enjoyment to Him!!

I know that even if a man does not tell me I’m beautiful… The Creator of the Universe says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am His princess and His Beauty Queen. My true beauty is what reflects my Beautiful Lord Jesus Christ. I am my Beloved’s. Crowned with Purpose. I am beautitul. My identity is found in Christ.   

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