“I can’t tell you how many times members of my family, family friends and young women my age continue to ask me if I have a boyfriend. And when my response is “no”, eyebrows are raised and questions arise. My answer back is “I’m waiting on God”. See, my view of dating is that God will bring you a man who will soon become your future husband (I’ll make a blog on this soon). I don’t see why I should spend my time out trying to find “The One” when God already has my One & Only. I never want to lose sight of my beautiful Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And I believe spending so much time focusing on men and marriage will take my focus off of Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to marry my husband and have a family someday, but during my singleness I want to serve God with all my heart.” It’s so interesting to me that this was a draft to a devotion I wanted to previously do. I was only 16 years old when I wrote this. And as I read this statement again, I admired myself for choosing contentment in my singleness, even as a teenager that was devoted to God.
God wants you to be happy, and He does want you to have someone in your life that can make you happy. But too often people are missing the concept of happiness and contentment. Obviously, happiness is an emotion. We are full of joy, excited for what we have. But like I said, it is an emotion. Emotions are subject to change. Then there’s contentment, which is defined as “happiness with one’s situation in life; free from worry or restless”. Contentment is a choice. Contentment is accepting the circumstances [the wait] and choosing to believe God’s word over your situation. Choosing that you will surrender the desires of your heart to God and ask Him to bless you with them. Saying, Okay, Lord. I don’t understand the purpose of this wait. But I will CHOOSE to wait on You, because I know you have bigger and better things for my life. But what contentment is not is a choice to simmer in being unhappy or sulking in disappointment.
It’s okay to question and ask God what the wait is about. And you’re not alone in this wait. What I’m trying to say is, it’s okay to feel lonely. You feel like everyone out there is gettin’ married and being blessed by God, but you feel like He has forgotten about you. You don’t understand why God has set you to the side.
There is a period in your life (some of you may be experiencing, like me), where you have to wait on God concerning your “love life”. Maybe you’ve never been in a relationship and you’re waiting on God to bring you a husband; and you’re enduring the wait while feeling like you’ll be forever single. Or, some of you may be feeling like you’ve been in so many relationships and have failed to find “the one”. My whole point of this post is to let you know that GOD CARES ABOUT YOUR DESIRE TO BE LOVED. You need to understand that…
I don’t have all the answers to singleness. I know I felt the Lord place the desire of marriage on my heart 5 years ago, and praying that my future husband will make his way into my life. I’ll briefly share that I have met him and I know who he is, but I am still waiting on God to bring us together. In my circumstance, my singleness is a sacred season right now. I need to develop in my dreams and visions for my life first before I involve myself with my future husband.
Your singleness is sacred as well. First, God doesn’t want to give you off to just anybody. But God doesn’t want to give you off to the man broken and unprepared. Are you healed from your past, or still struggling with it? Do you have a vision for your life? Dreams you want to go after? Do not get so caught up in a relationship/future relationship that you neglect the Lord and His purpose for you. Maybe I’d be ready if… I’d be happy if…. You’ll be emotional at the time you are “so in love”. And as time goes on, you don’t even remember the purpose you have. It becomes revolved around your boyfriend and you feel purposeless. You need a vision for your life before you have a vision as a couple! The way to finding that out is seeking the Lord in prayer and reading of the Word. Asking Him what His plan is for your life, what dreams and desires He wants to awaken in you, and then your part comes in by making goals to accomplish them by doing them and using your gifts/talents. Put those talents and gifts to work!
In 1 Corinthians 7:32-25, the Bible explains the worries of singles and married couples. ”
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—
34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
Scripture explains here that basically once you become married, you are concerned with the things of your spouse, and you don’t have as much time with the Lord as you would have during your singleness. Your interests are divided because you need your focus on your wife, but primarily God is first.Vs. 34 talks about being unmarried and having no responsibility to fulfill the desires of a husband. That is truly amazing! During our singleness, God is all ours! And yes, marriage sounds like a sweet gift from God. But are you ready? Are you ready fully satisfied in the Lord to where if you weren’t going to be married, you’d be fully satisfied and complete in Him? Completion comes from God, not man. It is impossible for man to fulfill those hidden voids in your heart. That’s God’s job.
I was in a relationship where we both hadn’t been ready. It created frustration that eventually led to confusion and a break up. It was a God-led breakup, I will say. Because we lost our sense of vision and purpose for our relationship and we needed to seek God for His will for our own lives, individually. During that time, I lost a lot of my motivation and fire for God because I hadn’t been rooted in a deeper relationship with God in the first place. So that’s why I say it was a God-led break up because I needed to step back and figure out where God wanted me. And where He was taking me. But now, I am finding myself spending more time with God and getting back to what I used to be passionate about [music, writing and dreaming].
God’s timing is perfect. He is an on-time God. Are you seeking God for contentment during your singleness? Think about it, but also pray and ask God to show you what you need to work on with yourself before you get in a relationship. And when He shows you [which he will], work on them! It’s pointless to keep your focus of the wait on what you are waiting for. Seek healing, keep dreaming and get ready for God’s best!
Ladies, date Jesus! ❤ He is the perfect gentleman.
Reflect on these questions and scripture.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
- Do I trust God with my future and my desire to be married?
- How am I striving for contentment in my singleness?
- What dreams and goals do I have that I will allow God to establish me in during my singleness?
Heavenly Father, I love you and praise Your Holy Name. You are so good God. I never want to take your goodness for granted. I am asking You right now, for this specific season in my life, to teach me contentment. Help me overcome any disappointment and doubt that I experience, that will try and convince me that Your plans for my singleness and marriage are long delayed. Use me for a purpose in my singleness, prepare me as a wife. But I pray that my focus during my singleness is not a man, but I continue to fall in love with you daily. You are my first love Jesus, and I pray You never have second place to man. Give me patience and peace that You have good things prepared for my future.
In Jesus Name, Amen!
I want to encourage any readers to check out the book Wait and See by Wendy Pope. This will be an encouragement to help you understand waiting on God, through pauses and delays.